Beware of the rubbish insult

Watching a bout of everyday road rage between a driver and a cyclist, I was reminded recently of the closest thing I’ve managed to the same scenario, and the pain and suffering that it cost me.

You see, I’m the first to admit, I might not look ‘sculpted’ from the back when I’m wearing lycra, and instead like an overweight pale bloke with a thick piece of padding under my arse. So last year when I was trying to turn right in traffic I was hit with (a fairly justifiable) line from the stereotypical shaved-headed man in a white van.

‘Get your fat arse off the road’

With so much running through my head, including how much I didn’t want to not clip-in as I set off, the endless oncoming traffic providing no gaps, and now my bulky back-end, I saw red and hit back with the first insulting line that came to mind.

‘Yeah…well you can kiss this fat arse’

It. Was. Rubbish!

But as bad as it was, it was probably still not going to be taken well by this Daily Sport-reading, lager-swilling Millwall fan (I have nothing to prove any of these things, but in my head they’re definitely true) who was about to follow me up a road. Realising this, I changed my mind about making the right turn and (safely) proceeded straight on at full speed down a hill until I was sure he was no longer behind me.

Checking over my shoulder as the red mist disappeared, I took stock of the situation. I’d shouted a laughably atrocious comeback at a man who was just frustrated trying to turn in the same traffic behind me and now found myself with an 8% half mile climb back up to where I was a minute or so ago. I’d already got over 50 miles under the belt that morning and I was just a couple of months into my training so hadn’t been doing distances like that too often; my return home hurt like hell.

The lesson to be learned is either a) don’t be a sh*thouse and face the abuse you receive in return, or b) learn some better comebacks!

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